It could have been about you but you had to make it about us.

The Fifty Things I Wish I Could Say To The Man I Loved/ Love?

1.  Things must first be good before they can turn bad.
2. Don't ignore me. That doesn't make me angry, it keeps me tangled in your web for longer. Set Me Free.
3. You focus on the negative. 
4. Do you remember the night that we met? and then the night we re-met a week later?
5. Forgive yourself so I don't feel stupid that I have.
6. Holding me down never made you more of a man.
7.  I loved it when you held me down.
8. I told you I thought you looked hot in tanks because I knew you needed to hear it. That doesn't mean I meant it any less.
9. I find your skinny ass incredibly hot.
10. I needed to vent to my friends sometimes. 
11. Anything my friends said had no reflection on how I felt about you.
12. I will never stop caring.
13. We made each other crazy. 
14. That wasn't always a bad thing. 
15. We are from different worlds. I didn't need you to be anything but you.
16. We created our own world, that was enough.
17. I knew where to touch you, when to hold you and when to be silent. I could read it in your eyes and body.
18. I understood what you were trying to say even when you struggled for the words.
19. You're an incredible artist.
20. I love to sing, act, rock climb, swim in the ocean, play soccer and watch foreign films. We never did those things. You didn't know those things.
21. I love the Guggenheim and Met. I love art and reading about art. 
22. I know more about art then you think.
23. Reading 3 books at the same time is stupid. 
24. You have patience to do things I never could.
25. Charcoal, soap and metal is what you taste like.
26. You had me when you told me that as a child you put carrots out for the reindeer on Christmas.
27. The way I felt scared me.
28. I hated lying to you.
29. I heard everything you said.  
30. Your fears slipped out of you onto me, bruising my soul.
31. Communicate.
32. What about me dug into you?
33. We are better than this.
34. You are better than this.
35. I am better than this.
36. Don't walk away from me, from this, from us.
37. I don't want to fight.
38. Your friends talked to me behind your back.
39. I never thought you were gay.  I entertained it because it meant that you didn't want me because of my gender rather than just not wanting me.
40. I didn't want to cause you stress.
41. I cry at any thought or mention of you.
42. No one feels the same as you.
43. Your scent no longer lingers on things.
44. I don't want to hurt anymore.
45. I don't want anything anymore.
46. I wish we could go for a walk in central park. If you hate it, you can run away.
47. Give me a chance to show you that I'm still the sweet girl you cared about.
48. I was crazy.
49. You were crazy.
50. I am crazy in love with you.
    
    
    

You calculate how much damage happened here. People always rebuild after a disaster, that's what love is, a disaster.